THIS IS A FUCKING HOLIDAY

When you say ‘staycation’

it makes me want to shove you

into a suitcase with no wheels

and heft you into the boot at 6am

so we can drive along B roads

without getting caught behind caravans.

I’ll let you out

only when you promise to appreciate

the bleak and beautiful seafront,

a Knickerbocker Glory before breakfast,

Harbour Fish and Chips for dinner and tea,

the walk up to the wallabies,

the blue-lipped loveliness

of North Sea swimming,

a caravan to play cards in

and a girl with a plastic monkey

clipped to her collar.

Until then,

keep it zipped.

Photo by Ali Karimiboroujeni from Pexels